SuperNanny, please help!

It is *really* hard to find twenty minutes of semi-functioning brain time.  The kids are out of control. I am certain they need a break from each other.  We desperately need friends.  Where can you go to find friends?  There's a MOPS group here that has been posting about their summer outings on Facebook, but with turn outs of *sixty* people and a kid who can't handle large groups and loud noises, I am sure I'm not crazy to think that would increase the level of nightmare in my life. 

I always have excuses.

I am about to go ape crazy on some kids upstairs.  E needs his own cave underground or something.  I wish military houses had basements.  I'd totally love to carve him out a secret nook in our next home.

I cannot believe I'm considering homeschooling.  How in the world will my ever get any sort of alone time??  And adding sweet little M into the madness, running around and loudly needing things? 

I want a greater level of calm in the house.  I don't know if that means hiding all the tv's and computers and finding open fields to run in every day.  Maybe that's what I'm missing.  Just hours and ours of stuck outside.  I hate outside with babies who want to gnaw all the things... maybe when she's up on two legs it will get easier to spend time in the great outdoors.

I remember when I stopped nursing Z.  It was like a fog lifted.  I felt like *myself* again.  I had energy and life and a desire to design activities for them.  I could lay in the floor on my stomach and play; I could run without the boulders; I could dress for myself and use my calories for me.  I had the same feeling when I stopped nursing E, but we were so fraught with prombles then that I figured it was just relief after a rough year.  And then I got pregnant the next month.  Short-lived happiness there, and I was back to toilet-hugging.

Anyway, I hope that's what's coming in four months.  The fog lift.  The energy to play.  The desire to help them thrive, instead of just survive.

We are totally in survival mode here.  It feels pathetic and like I'm doing something horribly wrong.  Dear God, please let this just be a phase.