Battle-Readying the Children, The Crux of it

He dawned it on me.

Yes, it is my responsibility to help them develop a biblical worldview.  And my responsibility to train them toward love, kindness and sacrifice.  And we can sing all the songs in the world and memorize entire books of the Bible and that will be grand! (Really, truly grand!)

But the main goal of it?  To raise them to love Jesus with all their heart, soul, mind and strength. 

And how do you do that?  By telling them of God's great, great love for them.  If we love Him because He first loved us, then all that's truly required is for me to speak His love over their lives, and pray they receive it. 

And God will take care of the rest. As the devotional I read last night said, "We are not sent to do battles for God, but to be used by God in His battles."

How ISIS is Changing My Parenting

Oh, what a heart-heavy week.  When I first heard about ISIS in June, I felt it.  Urgency.  Then the news dropped the story in favor of the Israel-Gaza conflict and I prayed that the situation in Iraq had calmed somehow.  But here again, the story has exploded, and so many Americans don't seem to know.  Or if they know, don't appear to be concerned by it.

My children have made me watch too many solar system videos in the past six months to not feel how small our world is and how truly loved we are by our Creator to give us such a perfect place to live.  No one can find anything like it in the known universe.  Such grace that it's all ours!!

Anyway, that's all beside the point.

I came to write about how ISIS is changing me, specifically the way I parent.  Having three young children, I am not going to expose them to the horrors of the world (this stuff is not age appropriate, even for me), but it is my responsibility to prepare them for life.

That used to mean making sure they were kind, educated, generous, humble, and God-fearing.  Of course, I share Jesus with them and intend to prepare them for a life of service before they spend an eternity in heaven, but.... ISIS has drastically changed my goals.

I absolutely cannot watch the video clips of them declaring they intend to place a flag on top of the White House and not take it seriously.   Granted, it looks like a long shot, but when you listen closer, you see their plan. They made their own documentary, and I saw a tiny clip of it on the news. In it  one jihadist interviewed a young militant. I think he was 8.  He said his name was Allah-willing _(something)__ and that Allah-willing, he was going to kill all the infidels because that's what Allah wanted.   They showed the training camps and a 4-year-old boy saying he was excited to get to join.  Then the interviewer said that he fully expects the next generation to be the ones to create the caliphate--- the global Islamic State.  And they meant it.

And what struck me most at the time?  How *trained* that boy was.  How completely brainwashed and sold he was on his cause.  He'd happily die for his beliefs, and he could tell you all the reasons why.

Then I watched another video, featuring a Muslim leader in Belgium (of all places!) who also stated he expected the Muslims to outnumber other religious groups by 2030, and *then* they intend to implement Sharia law in the city.  In the next generation. And then I saw another video showing mobs of Muslims protesting Christians, carrying black ISIS-like flags through major cities across the world, being pushed back by police.  So, it's everywhere, including here.  Let that sink in. Islam is already everywhere and their teachers say that they must convert or kill the world to usher in their savior.  (What a disappointment that's going to be!  Might wanna rethink that... )

Anyway. 

They are playing a slow game. And we're frittering our lives away, taking stupid internet quizzes and wondering whether or not we should take out a loan to upgrade our kitchens.

So, I think about 2030.

My kids will be hovering around their 20s.

And I compare what ISIS is doing to 20-year-olds in their country.  Forcing them out or killing them.  Or worse.  Letting them starve to death, kidnapping them, crucifying them, amputating limbs, raping them, selling them as sex slaves, taking them in as their own brides.

Those could be my children.  The way America is so distracted, I don't think it's a far leap to assume that (outside of the gun-toting southeast), people would just lay their guns down if men in tanks came rolling through the city threatening to kill everyone who didn't convert.  "Allah? Sure. That's the same as God, right? Uuuh... okay.... just don't kill me or take away my internet, please?"

Which brings me back to my kids.  I want better than that for and from them.  If worse comes to worst, I want them to stand strong in their faith to the end.  I want them to proudly give up their lives for Jesus if fighting back wasn't an option.  I want them to have so much confidence in the good that is to come in the next life that they wouldn't be ashamed of the name they carry here.  I want them to shout it from the rooftops without fear.  I want them to love the Lord and serve him with gladness, no matter what arena they find themselves in.

If they have to be stranded on a mountain top, I want them to be so confident in Christ that they don't spend their time crying about their hunger.  I want them to be comforting those who don't know Him, who are crying and hopeless, sharing the Good News with them.

And if M, my dear, sweet baby daughter, was ever taken alive by those evil men and made to have their babies, I want her to be so close to her Lord that she feels His presence with her at every second.  I want her to not fear.  To never, ever deny her Lord.  I want her eyes on the end, and to be telling everyone she meets to do the same.

I do not want my children to be like me.  I don't want them to be shocked by atrocity.  I want them to be ready to face it.  I don't want them to weep in despair.  I don't want them to feel dread.  And I don't want them to have to listen to 4 hours of praise music to make their hands stop shaking when they see videos of Evil on the march.

So, what is a mama to do?  How am I to raise them to be spiritually prepared for the end of the world?  (Wouldn't you much rather them be prepared for the end and it not come, than any other prospect???)

The thing heaviest on my heart, I think, is to teach them to memorize Scripture.  I always had a hard time with it when I was younger because I thought, "Why memorize it?  It's on the shelf if I need it.  I have the gist of the verse nailed; if I need it specifically, I can find it."

But our kids might not have that luxury.  I haven't heard any sort of testimony coming from Iraq about a great minister on the mountain arising and spreading the Gospel of Hope.  They're all just crying and dying, fleeing, being buried alive.  I want my kids, should the worst happen, be able to quote Jesus effortlessly.  I know when He left this earth, he said not to worry and the Holy Spirit would speak on their behalf... and I fully believe that.  But when your own fears are drowning out the Spirit, then all that's left is dread.  Hope for the eternal future is buried in there somewhere, but insurmountable dread and sorrow can quiet the still small voice.

In addition to knowing Scripture, I want them to know how to carry heavy burdens.  I.am.exhausted today after all the praying and petitioning and praising I did this weekend (Gammy had the boys!).  It may also be that I have mastitis, but in addition to my body feeling completely spent, my heart is tired, too.  I feel ashamed to say I need a break from the news and a break from the burden-carrying, but .... I do.  My spiritual muscles haven't truly been flexed in *so* long, and I do feel that it's possible to strengthen your faith enough to carry heavier burdens for longer periods of time.

If we end up surrounded by evil, they are going to need to know how to cast their cares before the Lord and let Him carry it for them.  As it turns out... I suck at that.

Battle-ready the children.  Beyond your neighbor, beyond the lying co-worker, beyond the sad cashier at the grocery store.  (By all means, help them, too, but I truly believe we need to be prepared for even more.)

They may be in it for the long game.  But PRAISE GOD, His game is even longer.

Homeschool Conundrum

Oh, homeschool.  We're three days in, and I'm all kinds of conflicted.

My oldest son is supposed to be doing pre-k this year, but I bought straight up kindergarten curriculum for him.  He already knows shapes and colors, how to read, write and count to 100, all the 50 states and their capitals and the planets.  He's a boy wonder who doesn't really *need* the educational part of school.  All he needs is a couple YouTube videos and some books and he's a self-motivated sponge. 

He does, however, really, really, really need practice going with the flow.  If he's not interested in it, he wanders mentally, often physically.  Keeping him on task can be hard, and he needs more breaks than other kids his age.  As my husband and I joke, he stores everything to his brain's hard-drive, which takes longer than the flash drive (learn it and lose it) style I adapted to excel through my school years. 

I struggle with homeschool because I want to really enjoy all the benefits of homeschool. Give the kid a break when he needs it.  Stop for a snack mid-lesson, then finish up as soon as the snack is over. I want it to be relaxed and easy.  Structured, but flexible to accommodate his needs.  Avoid meltdowns (the uncontrollable screaming that happens when things get hard and he's had too much but wants desperately to finish the task at hand but just *can't.*  It looks a lot like a tantrum to get his way, but there's no manipulation in it, just a whole lot of internal struggle.)

Anyway, I want to gear everything towards his learning style and learning needs.  I mean, he's clearly going to excel academically if I do.  But at the same time, I know one of my major goals this year is to help him be prepared for the classroom.  To learn how to be upset without *screaming* and/or running away.  To learn how to let other people bend the rules slightly without it being a catastrophe for his brain.

So, I feel torn.  I know I have an entire yeaaaaaaaar to work with him, but I can't be all chillax one day and strict the next.  I have to find the balance between when to push and when to give him what he needs.  And I have no idea where it is. 

Deuteronomy 28

Have you read Deuteronomy 28 lately?  I love reading the Bible before falling asleep, especially when I'm home without Josh.  It puts my fear of me and my kids being murdered in the middle of the night to rest because hey, even if it happened, I'd just get to go be with Jesus.  It's good to go to sleep with a heart at peace with whatever the night holds. 

But last night I read Deuteronomy 28.  It starts out beautifully.  Amazing blessings and promises for those who follow God.  Grace and plenty above and beyond what anyone could ever deserve.  Phrases like "abundant prosperity"  and "The Lord will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty" and "bless(ing) ALL the work of your hands."  Breathtaking, humbling, incredible. 

Then come the curses for disobedience.  Things like having men watching their wives be raped, women having to eat their afterbirths, and men having to eat their kids because they'd starve to death otherwise.  Like, horrific.  I have intensely gruesome fears at night, but the stuff in this chapter manages to top them.

And there in the middle of it is verse 47.  The reason for the curses.

"Because you did not serve the Lord your God joyfully and gladly in the time of prosperity."
I am so, so prone to fear.  To thinking small.  To dwelling in the needs of my life. To finding the bounty then forgetting a minute later.  I read what's going on around the rest of the world, terrorists rising, kidnapping, beheading, crucifying in the streets.  And I feel guilty.  I feel absolutely terrible that my life is so blessed, yet I complain, while my brothers and sisters in Christ are kicked out of their homes or murdered.  

But you know what?  I can be sensitive to their pain and pray for them... and STILL be joyful and glad in my own time of prosperity. God *wants* me to be thankful, joyful, glad.  Happy!  Happy in my life. Happy with my kids in this giant house that's too big to clean. 

Happy, happy, happy.  He just wants me to be happy!  And ever dependent. Knowing it's all from His hand and it's mine to serve Him with.

And then this morning as I continued to mull this all over we started our first day of homeschool.  And I spent hours getting everything ready and we had a great morning full of activities and attention and when we were finished, I was told by my four-year-old that he wanted more.  More, more, mooooooore! Not "Thank you, that was great; I can't wait to do more tomorrow."  Just more, more, more.  My heart sank.  Then I remembered Deuteronomy 28 and  I began to understand just how offensive my attitude must be to my Feather.

We're getting ready to move, and in the process we intend to sell a lot of stuff we don't need anymore.  I have had dreams for *years* of using the money we make to buy the next stage of toys and clothes for the kids.  But... it appears that God is trying to change my heart.  It's hard for me to re-write my carefully-laid plans, but today, my heart just wants to give it all away with the prayer of "I have enough.  I don't need more.  I have enough.  Thank you, God, for the lavishness you've bestowed.  I have enough."  I want to be a blessing.  And I want to be thankful without whining for more. 

I want so badly to live simplistically.  My best friend is in the process of selling her house and packed up all her stuff to stage it for pictures.  And it. is. gorgeous.  Her cleared table tops and counters with the most minimal of décor is a bit breathtaking.  And it looks like enough.  Comfortable, cozy, happy happy place to live, clear of all the clutter.  It's what I want for *my* house. It's what I want for my heart. 

My initial thought is, "I hope I can be brave enough to make it happen."  Then I realize, no, I just need to be thankful enough, and it will happen all on its own. 

This is what it looks like when you've given up (an unfinished post)

We're kind of a hot mess over here.  I've been suffering from some burnout and in utter defeat, let the kids start calling the shots.  They eat total crap food around the clock, watch junk tv and (to top it off) don't fall asleep before midnight.  On the plus side, my job is a whole lot easier when I don't care.  It's like I have taken a vacation in the middle of the chaos.  Laundry mildews wet in the machine and gets a few bonus wash cycles as a result.  My 

Surviving.

My head is spinning.  This is one helluva hard summer.  Josh's visit a couple weeks ago was like salt in the wound.  Hooray!  Let's just remind you how much easier and more fun life is when your husband isn't across the country, only for him to leave again before you even get to fully connect!  YES! 

I know it could be so much worse, but it's just one of those weeks where I don't feel very thrive-y.  I want to provide all kinds of great experiences for my kids.  I want to be plugged in and providing some sort of mental stimulation for them daily, even if we don't leave the house.  But with a nursing baby, a toddler, and a preschooler all under only my care every day of the week... I'm just... spread too thin or something. 

I have not at all mastered this way of life. 

I hope to heaven it gets easier as the kids get older.  If Makenzie wouldn't try to eat all the things, I think that'd be a great start.  Kinda difficult to craft or experiment with a shrieking baby trying to shove pony beads in her mouth.

I want to be a much better mom than I am.  I feel like they're all just getting slivers of a very broken, very tired, rag doll of a caregiver this season.

I know we're going to survive... but I wish so much that I could do better than that. 

Let it Gooooooooooo!

What to say, what to say?

I've been making a list of all the items we need to / should / hope to sell before we move.  It's daunting to think that we're going to be losing a massive number of square feet when we move.  Downsizing just after our family as expanded is going to be a challenge.  I hope I don't feel trapped in the walls in a few months.  It's been so nice here with all these babies we've made... having a house large enough that we can play inside and not get too cabin fever-y.

I don't want to Craigslist with no husband around, but I really need to be taking pictures of all these things and writing descriptions so as soon as his feet get back in the state, I can post it all quickly.  I kinda just want to run and hide thinking about it.  Sooo much to do.  Sooo many decisions to make.

Our last move was about as easy peasy as they come.  One 18-month-old, moving within the state, new house bought before the packers showed up.  And even that was more stressful on the marriage than I expected it to be.  Doing it with more kids and out of state and within 2-3 weeks of Josh coming home from school?  Yeeeee.  I've got to learn how to just give up and let things be what they are. 

It's amazing that even after 9 years of the army teaching me to let go, I still want to plan all the things so badly!  I want everything to be easy and organized!  I want answers to all of the stupid questions before I show up to a city homeless.  But, ya know, that's how they expect me to roll... so I better just get used the idea that we're going to get there and open a box full of our current trash with crumbs in the rugs and sticky furniture.  There are definitely worse things in the world.

I keep watching the Israelites on the news (we still call them Israelites, yes?).  17,000 people fleeing for their lives, carrying their daily water on their shoulders, trying to keep their families safe from flying missiles?  Yeah.  I'll happily take packing all our sticky junk and cramming it into a smaller home and feeling like the walls are closing in.  I'll be so blessed just to have walls.  <3 p="">