Surviving.

My head is spinning.  This is one helluva hard summer.  Josh's visit a couple weeks ago was like salt in the wound.  Hooray!  Let's just remind you how much easier and more fun life is when your husband isn't across the country, only for him to leave again before you even get to fully connect!  YES! 

I know it could be so much worse, but it's just one of those weeks where I don't feel very thrive-y.  I want to provide all kinds of great experiences for my kids.  I want to be plugged in and providing some sort of mental stimulation for them daily, even if we don't leave the house.  But with a nursing baby, a toddler, and a preschooler all under only my care every day of the week... I'm just... spread too thin or something. 

I have not at all mastered this way of life. 

I hope to heaven it gets easier as the kids get older.  If Makenzie wouldn't try to eat all the things, I think that'd be a great start.  Kinda difficult to craft or experiment with a shrieking baby trying to shove pony beads in her mouth.

I want to be a much better mom than I am.  I feel like they're all just getting slivers of a very broken, very tired, rag doll of a caregiver this season.

I know we're going to survive... but I wish so much that I could do better than that.