Deuteronomy 28

Have you read Deuteronomy 28 lately?  I love reading the Bible before falling asleep, especially when I'm home without Josh.  It puts my fear of me and my kids being murdered in the middle of the night to rest because hey, even if it happened, I'd just get to go be with Jesus.  It's good to go to sleep with a heart at peace with whatever the night holds. 

But last night I read Deuteronomy 28.  It starts out beautifully.  Amazing blessings and promises for those who follow God.  Grace and plenty above and beyond what anyone could ever deserve.  Phrases like "abundant prosperity"  and "The Lord will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty" and "bless(ing) ALL the work of your hands."  Breathtaking, humbling, incredible. 

Then come the curses for disobedience.  Things like having men watching their wives be raped, women having to eat their afterbirths, and men having to eat their kids because they'd starve to death otherwise.  Like, horrific.  I have intensely gruesome fears at night, but the stuff in this chapter manages to top them.

And there in the middle of it is verse 47.  The reason for the curses.

"Because you did not serve the Lord your God joyfully and gladly in the time of prosperity."
I am so, so prone to fear.  To thinking small.  To dwelling in the needs of my life. To finding the bounty then forgetting a minute later.  I read what's going on around the rest of the world, terrorists rising, kidnapping, beheading, crucifying in the streets.  And I feel guilty.  I feel absolutely terrible that my life is so blessed, yet I complain, while my brothers and sisters in Christ are kicked out of their homes or murdered.  

But you know what?  I can be sensitive to their pain and pray for them... and STILL be joyful and glad in my own time of prosperity. God *wants* me to be thankful, joyful, glad.  Happy!  Happy in my life. Happy with my kids in this giant house that's too big to clean. 

Happy, happy, happy.  He just wants me to be happy!  And ever dependent. Knowing it's all from His hand and it's mine to serve Him with.

And then this morning as I continued to mull this all over we started our first day of homeschool.  And I spent hours getting everything ready and we had a great morning full of activities and attention and when we were finished, I was told by my four-year-old that he wanted more.  More, more, mooooooore! Not "Thank you, that was great; I can't wait to do more tomorrow."  Just more, more, more.  My heart sank.  Then I remembered Deuteronomy 28 and  I began to understand just how offensive my attitude must be to my Feather.

We're getting ready to move, and in the process we intend to sell a lot of stuff we don't need anymore.  I have had dreams for *years* of using the money we make to buy the next stage of toys and clothes for the kids.  But... it appears that God is trying to change my heart.  It's hard for me to re-write my carefully-laid plans, but today, my heart just wants to give it all away with the prayer of "I have enough.  I don't need more.  I have enough.  Thank you, God, for the lavishness you've bestowed.  I have enough."  I want to be a blessing.  And I want to be thankful without whining for more. 

I want so badly to live simplistically.  My best friend is in the process of selling her house and packed up all her stuff to stage it for pictures.  And it. is. gorgeous.  Her cleared table tops and counters with the most minimal of décor is a bit breathtaking.  And it looks like enough.  Comfortable, cozy, happy happy place to live, clear of all the clutter.  It's what I want for *my* house. It's what I want for my heart. 

My initial thought is, "I hope I can be brave enough to make it happen."  Then I realize, no, I just need to be thankful enough, and it will happen all on its own.