Blowing Off the Dust

As I sit here wondering how to start this entry, I hear the lyrics "You can start over again" repeating in the background. Seems apropos.

When I was in college and wondering what to do with my life, the deep in me wanted to write. But after my parents talked me out of a career in acting (hindsight shouts, "Thank goodness!!"), the increasingly practical part of me decided it wasn't wise. Plus, everyone's a writer. The girl across the street, my dad's best friend's daughter, all of those smartie-pants, ever referencing the vague, poet-types in my lit classes. Who was I to write? And anyway, hasn't it all been said already?

So, I stuffed it down, moved into the shallow end, began to write about the day-to-day, then eventually quit my blog. And life happened. I got a job, quit a job, got a new job, got a husband, a house, a dog, deployments, baby, another baby, and a whole lot of tiny people's bodily fluids to clean up.

I didn't even have time to shower more than 3 times a week. Why would I even consider these keys?
Then Lent happened. And while I've never practiced it before, I missed the regular, purposed fasts at our church in Augusta and decided to partake in the soul clearing.

It started so simply:  Give up screens during naptime; replace them with Jesus.

And what I found is that there *is* room in my life for Him. For peace. For rest. And for the cultivation of my soul. For reading, journaling, writing... and even sometimes vacuuming.

I've been trying to listen to the wisdom of the women in my world, who tell me what it's like to look back on these years. Who know what's really important. Who would tell me to stop running around the house like a maniac trying to Clean All The Things during the eye of the storm that we call naptime. Who would tell me to just REST. And enjoy my life. Enjoy Jesus. Enjoy the sun pouring in the windows.

(Ann Voskamps, "Only amateurs hurry" keeps coming to mind.)

So, I have been. And as cheeseball as it is, I feel my heart... blooming. And I find myself looking at the world differently. The way I used to, when everything was a metaphor and a lesson from God. When my ordinary moments turned parable for something greater, about Someone greater.

And it makes me want to write. Not for other people to read it, but just to write, to chronicle this journey He has me on, so that I'll remember it happened. So that I remember that when the boys are older and they help me pull weeds that I want to share with them what Jesus said about the seeds in soil. So that I'll have clarity, focus, purpose. So that I don't waste my life in shallow ground.

As the pollen count tops 9300 this week, I'm blowing the dust off these keys and writing. Making it a point to write. For me. For Him.

Funny guys

Today I took the little boys to the doctor for Zachary's 4 month well baby visit.  We saw a new-to-us PA, Julia.  And she. was. awesome.  She let Ethan play with her stethoscope when she wasn't using it, and Ethan did his part by cracking us up with the way he played.  He started out with the earpieces wrapped around his waist like a belt and held the circle part up to his heart.  Later, he tried to put them in his ears, but somehow he ended up with the sticks crossed and clamping down on his chubby cheeks.  I'm sure that's one of those "you had to be there" things, but if you could see the mental picture I took, you'd laugh, too.

When Julia listened to Zach's heart, super-ticklish Zach naturally started giggling. Ethan, who usually ignores Zach all day every day, stood there studying what was going on, then cracked up and laughed with him.  To some moms that might be cute, but Ethan's brotherly interaction is so rare that those moments are extremely precious to me.  Happiness!!

After Julia left the room and we were waiting for the nurse to come back in for shots.  Ethan saw the used tongue depressor still on the table and snatched it.  Then, he started looking at his fingers and counting them.  Well, trying to count them.  (He still requires a weeee bit amount of coaching, in the form of me repeating everything he says.  He can get to 10 that way! Silly kid still hates saying two things in a row without some form of interruption.)  Anyway, he counted to three, and I counted up to five, then he opened up wide, put the stick on his tongue and said, "AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"  It was so unexpected that I couldn't help but laugh.

Anyway, it was a good morning.  They both made me so happy that we even stopped and got Chick-Fil-A on the way home for lunch!  Wee!

13 Months!

If I wrote down every cute or funny thing Ethan did, I wouldn't have time for anything else in life.  He's just hilarious, surprising and tons of fun.

I've started taking him outside to play more since we've had some warmer days lately.  He really loves the giant, new playground here at Fort Gordon.  He doesn't like it as much for the equiment (99% of it is still too big for him), but he absolutely loves being around all the other families.  Yesterday, he personally greeted everyone that came to play.  He'd penguin-walk up to them, raise an arm, and shout, "Aah!"  or"Oh!"  or giggle.  It's fun to see social inhibition in him since I'm so insecure and shy when it comes to meeting strangers.  I'm thankful to have him as the perfect ice-breaker!

Today, we took Daddy to the playground with us.  It was a beautiful day and the playground was PACKED.  Ethan found a group of about eight seven-year-olds and hung out with them in a little play cave.  He sat there, smiled, and laughed and tried really hard to not get run over by them.

It made me a little nervous, but he was happy and holding his own, so I tried to not be *that* mom.  I know that having a little boy is going to test my heart as he gets older and more dare-devily, so I'm trying to practice understanding "boys will be boys!" while he's young.

Some friends were at the playground, too, and I chatted with my mommy friends while Josh chased Ethan around.  By the end of the day, Ethan had given one elementary school girl a high five and another pre-teen girl took a picture of him.  Eventually he got so tired that he just laid on the ground.  Two other little girls came over to him, tickled him, and commented on what pretty blue eyes he has.  He's a charmer, that's for sure! 

Haha... Right now he's walking around with the dust buster.  Hopefully soon he'll learn how to turn it on and suck up crumbs.  That'd be the most useful game ever! 

We're raising a human!

The other morning, Ethan was playing after having his bottle (Oh. My. Gosh.  Can I just say how awesome it is to have a weaned child?!) when he started walking down the hallway.  I asked him, "Where's Daddy?"  thinking that he would keep walking to our bedroom where Josh was still sleeping.  Instead, he quickly turned around and very purposefully walked over to a framed picture of Josh, my dad, and Brownie.  He picked it up, pointed at Josh and proudly proclaimed, "DA!"

The next day he walked up to me whining and saying, "Mamamamamama" very pitifully.  Taking my best guess, I asked, "Are you thirsty?"  He announced, "WAWA!" and marched straight to the refrigerator.

Crack me up!  Every day he turns into more of a big kid.  Watching him make new discoveries and learn to communicate is so fun. I'm loving life with a toddler!  If only it weren't so messy... haha!

All about the boy

Ethan attempted to brush his own hair tonight.  He'd just had a bath, and I'd towelled him off and tried to manage his too-long locks, then sat the brush on the ground.  Ethan immediately picked it up and raked it across the top and side of his head.  Too bad the bristles were facing outward, but good gracious, it was the cutest thing ever.  It's so fun being surprised by his increasing repetoire of "grown up" behavior.  I am very, very much looking forward to the next year. 

I'm really bad at keeping up with this kind of stuff, but here's an incredibly short list of some of his other skills and quirks:

--Says "Mama," "Dada," "Bough,"  (for Brownie), and "Bah" (ball) with purpose
--Walks with us, holding only one hand for balance
--Throws a ball for Brownie
--Looks for toys (or Brownie) under the sofa
--Dances to music
--Laughs pretty much all day long (unless he's hungry)
--Loves fruits and steamed veggies and is finally starting to love meat (he seems to be a texture eater and it took him a while to get used to foods that wouldn't mush).  It's hard to tell if he has a favorite.  Maybe fresh steamed cubes of butternut squash?  He scarfs that down faster than anything else at least.  Oh, and he squeals with delight when he sees a Rice Chex box.  He should do their commercials.
--He loooves sleeping under lots of blankets.  He sleeps under 2 blankts and recently Josh also added a heavy baby quilt over his waist and feet.  Ethan crawls so his face is right in the corner of his bed and snuggles down under his blankets and *finally* go to bed without screaming bloody murder.  It's soooo nice for Mommy's nerves! 
--He also loves his stuffed animals.  He sleeps with 3.  Last night we couldn't even see Ethan in the video monitor, so Josh went to check and make sure he didn't somehow Houdini himself out of the bed (unlikely of course, but you just never know with Ethan!).  Turns out, Ethan had put a stuffed animal completely over his face and fallen asleep that way.
--He seems to be missing one of his lower teeth.  He has 4 on top, but just 3 on bottom, and it doesn't look like the 4th on the bottom is anywhere to be seen.  Interesting.  I'm just trusting that the permanent one is there.
--I do a little "washing machine" dance with him by making him twist at varying speeds (yeah, can you tell I do chores all day or what??), and now, when he's happy, he wiggles back and forth on his own just like our little dance.
--He yell-whines at me when I start to walk over to the computer. (He's helping me with my FB addiction.)

Alright, it's late.  Maybe more later.  Sooner than later, hopefully.  :)

Ethan found his balance!

I really need to write more often... I haven't been keeping track of Ethan's development very well, but I guess that will make our future children not feel shafted.  ;)

Ethan got his front two upper teeth several weeks ago.  He was sooooo whiney before they poked through, but since then, he's been such a happy little camper.  I enjoy sitting on the floor and playing with him, but it's nice that he now doesn't require me to do that to be happy.  I've been so productive!  I've also gotten a lot busier lately, which is fun as long as I don't let myself get overwhelmed with obligations.  I'm truly a homebody at heart.  :)

Anyway, what I really came here to write is that Ethan can STAND unassisted now!!  He's been able to hold his balance for a second or two for weeks, but yesterday he stood for over a minute!  We were over at a friend's house and Ethan just STOOD in the kitchen while we all stared at him with our mouths hanging open.  Later in the night as we were carving pumpkins, we heard Ethan squeal with delight from around the corner.  When we peeked over, was STANDING on their SECOND stair--- just standing there like it was no big deal!  I guess it'll only be a matter of time before he gets brave enough to try to take his first steps, which makes me feel very wistful. 

Watching him grow up is so, so much fun.  Sometimes I just want to freeze time so I can wallow in all the sweet, happy moments before they whoosh past.  Even if I could, though, I wouldn't ever want to go back in time to the earlier months.  I'm so blessed that every month is better than the one before.  :)

Change in Plans

One of many reasons God tells us not to worry:  often the things we fret over never come to pass.

Josh came home for lunch today with the words, "Bad news.  We're not going to Alaska.  The Army just put me on orders to be a recruiter." 

Thankfully we weren't too terribly far into the process of PCSing.  We'd been to one two-hour brief, a desk-side meeting, and set up a couple other appointments. Ethan and I were supposed to be seeing a doctor today to get medical clearance to PCS to an OCONUS location, and tomorrow I had an appointment to get a no-fee governnment passport, but now I'm cancelling those.

I hate unplanning the planned.

My poor mind.  It's so pointless trying to wrap my mind around anything the Army says.  So, so pointless.

On the plus-side, Josh won't be deploying any time soon!  Really and truly, I was more excited about Alaska for Josh than for myself; being without my husband in the frozen tundra doesn't really excite my southern self... although I was looking forward to a good challenge and seeing a very different part of the country.  Oh well.  Guess I don't have to pack away my flip-flops afterall.  If they station us where Josh joined, it looks like we'll be moving to Gainesville.  The possibility is so absurd, I just have to laugh.

But for now, I'm not going to think about it. I have a feeling Josh is going to do whatever he can to get out of this one... going Warrant or submitting his OCS packet... in which case he'd likely go to a long school and then get stuck back at Fort Gordon. 

We're never leaving this place.  I can feel it.

Lord, please, please let me eat those words.